Older son getting bullied in neighborhood - what would you do?

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cycofan

Guest
This has been an ongoing problem. Today he came in with scratches and scrapes on his face because they were throwing ice balls at him outside. The mother in me wants to march him over to the other houses to show the parents what their kids are doing. I also know, though, that Matthew probably isn't perfect when I'm not looking either. I also worry that confronting kids or parents about it myself will only make it worse for him.

We have told him before that we never want him to start a fight and that if he can, he should walk (or run away), but that it is OK to defend himself. Matthew is in Tae Kwon Do, and a big part of me wants him to land a side kick to the gut on a couple of these kids, but I know that's not going to solve it either.

So, would you intervene in someway, or let the natural pecking order work its magic. Matthew will have had enough one day, and I feel sorry for the kid picking on him when it happens.
 
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BostonsJ

Guest
This is a toughie. I would have to ask myself is this escalating to the point where the incidents are getting more serious. If they are, then I would intervene.

Gang mentality is something learned early in life and if not stopped continues through life. They have to learn that there is consequence to their actions. And if the parents do nothing and this is also happening in school, go to the school!

My daughter was being harassed by some high school boys when she was a junior in high school. It kept getting progressively worse. One day one of them slammed her head into her locker. She almost passed out and she had a huge lump on her head requiring me to seek medical help for her. That was it, now this wasn't silly high school stuff this was serious. I marched her into the principals office the next day, reported the incidents and the principal saw to it that the junk immediately stopped. In fact the kid that had done this got suspended. After that the word was out, don't mess with Audra because he mother is going to kick our butts if we do.
 
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Calgon1

Guest
I would contact the other parents. One time. If they will work with you to make sure that it stops form both sides; then, the problem will be resolved in short order. If they are resistant, defensive or in denial; report the events to the police. They will have a juvenile officer/section which can advise you further.

Also, tell junior that a reverse, round-house heel, through the frontal lobes, to the opposite temple, works way better than "a side kick to the gut".

"In any violent ecounter, there should never be more than two punches thrown. The first is blocked by the martial artist. The second ends the fight!"
 
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Cruise cutie

Guest
I concur with them Lauren...hugs..as it is a toughie..keep us updated..

sad to say 8 years ago..we had a very nasty verbal e-mail threat deal threatening a massive physical attack about perceived boyfriend snatching..*sigh* FOR NOTHING!! Ding Bat.. however Judy is right about the bullying attitude..this was on our youngest twin Jessica.. in high School..the girl was stupid enough back then to not realize computers backed up can, and will screw you legally.. we kept the e-mail till a year ago.

course having Jessica's THREE sisters make it known it would be FOUR to ONE.. if she kept it up .( and me in the wings!!),,..was in, and of itself quite a deterrent!!..Calgon is right..report it to the Juvenile Dept,keep a record..sit back, and wait..JMHO... Joanne
 
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Cricket

Guest
To ignore it is to allow these jerks to keep on with it! No child is an angel, but if others are picking on this child, it will get worse. Find out who the culprits are, speak to the parents and tell your son to defend himself IF they hit him first...that includes pushing or touching him in any way! I am a strong believer of defending yourself, but not that he starts anything. If they are harassing him at school, let the principal know you will NOT be putting up with that crap! Too many ofthese kids are told to not fight back, but I totally disagree! Horror stories of picked on children , who turned the other cheek , get back when they finally can't take anymore!Even the teachers turn the other cheek when they KNOW exactly what is going on! PLEASE don't let your son go on without him totally defending himself, when needed! It is great that you have him in a defense class...bravo!

BTW...you getting involved does NOT make things worse...kids and their parents back off when you get involved...trust me! The best way is to talk first with the agitator and their parents and the school, but above all...don't let your son get beat up, bruises , scratches, whatever...it is time to react when that occurs, before something more serious happens!
 
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Donna - dsw

Guest
I would have a FRIENDLY talk with the parents of the kids for sure. I would as you stated go with the attitude that my child is involved also - but this is getting out of hand.

Please keep us posted and good luck.
 
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islandJim

Guest
Very tough call, but you have to decide when enough is enough. This happened with my nephew a few years back during his senior year of high school. First of all I can say 100% that my nephew would not start trouble or hurt a fly, he's just that type of kid. He never even needed a curfew because he was always home early anyway. One day in the middle of the high school hallway this punk decides to punch him right in the face with no warning because he was seen talking to his girlfriend at lunch. My nephew's nose was broken. When my sister told me this I lost it. After his suspention was up I went to the school as it was getting out to "talk" with this punk. But my temper kicked in and things went in a different direction. I ended up picking him up by the throat and asked if he knew my nephew, and told him I wanted him to get his father down to the school right now. To make a long story short after the police deciced not to arrest me he never so much as looked in my nephews direction again. I'm not saying this was the right thing to do but that's how it went. You don't want to let it go too far then say "I should have".
 
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cycofan

Guest
Matthew said he didn't want to talk to the school counselor, but I did e-mail her today to get some feedback. She said that we are on the right track, but that if things get more violent, that a visit with the parents is in order. She said that the 4th grad guidance curriculum for this month is bullying. They are going to talk about walking away and having what she called "personal power." Hopefully that will help. THanks for all of the advice!
 
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Hucc

Guest
I'd call (not go over to) the parents first and try to talk it out. They might be just as surprised that their son is bullying others. Bullies often play off themselves as the victims of bullying. Oliver had an issue where he said that a bully was picking on him, but after talking with parents and teachers, we found out, Oliver was indeed the bully. So, we had a talk with him.

Approach this cautiously, don't be offensive to the so called bully's parents. If you approach them reasonably, they should respond in kind. JMHO
 
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S&M in Pgh

Guest
As someone who was picked on a bit in school, tell him to find the biggest kid in the neighborhood and either befriend him or kick the snot out of him. Either will work.

Once these little darling learn he is restraing himself from opening a can of whoop as@ on them, the will liekly leave him alone or try and get him to be their friend.

It does no good to turn the other cheek if they are only going to hit that too.

Mike
 


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